| baffling.. |
[02 Jul 2003|03:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hole - dying |
] |
everyone please register to vote, and listen to brian..
i am very scared of Planet America..
dont disappoint me..
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|
| nonsense. |
[05 May 2003|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
imaginary buzzing. |
] |
im going to attempt to now make all my entries friends only from now on. so yeah.
ive decided that i could care less who the invalid that left that comment was. however, the fact that some one of such a disposition has access to my journal not only hurts my faith in the human race, it upsets me. i deserve this. i should be able to write without some asshole giving me shit. even if what i write is pretentious and the such.
so. in conclusion, if your name doesnt appear on the friends list, ou dont have the pleasure of reading about my ever so exciting self.
if you care enough to be added, add me and if you dont suck ill add you in return.
thank you,
-the management.
|
|
| oh my god.. its a mouth.. |
[01 May 2003|11:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
surly. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
im such a loser - and i cry too much |
] |
so.. who wants to by me a Grey 1986 Volvo 240DL?
cause thats what i want.
come on.. its the safest car ever made, ya know.
|
|
| nonsense. |
[30 Apr 2003|11:12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nonsensical - like |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
clattering keyboards. |
] |
so theres this small feeling. you know the way sparkels look? if one could feel the way sparkles look, this would be it. its a small sparkley feeling, and you chase it. i cant even explain it.. its just nice. and you get so crazy about chasing it, it consumes you. and it makes you so selfish.. a big selfish cynic. and you disregard everything you shouldnt.. it really just makes you insane. any sort of addiction, really. drugs, alcohol, love.. candycoat it and have it for breakfast.
|
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| feel me in the pit of your stomach.. |
[28 Apr 2003|11:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
overheard - brain - rotting - library - chatter |
] |
yeah. im a loser, couldnt wait to go back to school.
now, im reminded of why i couldnt wait for spring break in the first place.
i didnt touch this thing all of break. i smoked pot and went to the diner everyday. in that order.
with a steady cast of four people.
and now, i have officially reached first name status at the diner. im so cool. queen of the losers, ya know.
apparently i start work tomorrow.
you know you want to go to freindlys for ice cream..
unless i hate you. then stay away.
appendage:
jenisthegreatestjenisthegreatestjenisthegreatestjenisthegreatest
|
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| all the darling buds of may |
[17 Apr 2003|01:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hole - petals |
] |
Eff Eye Enn Ee.
"you know what they say people mean when they say they're 'fine' in the drug - counseling business, nicole.:
Fucked up
Insecure
Neurotic and
Emotional.
now, i'll ask you again. how do you feel?"
yay for gimmicky insurance milking.
|
|
| me and my bad karma |
[14 Apr 2003|01:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
self - loathing |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tori amos - spark |
] |
it sucks when i have something eating at me that even i find so morally upsetting that i cant even find the courage to talk to a single soul about it. and its all about circumstance,too; wich is most frustrating. fucking circumstances.. fuck.
i live life on someone elses excuse
and words bid me breath
and i live to be used.
|
|
| a flock of shopping carts |
[11 Apr 2003|11:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
in need of lilies. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
puddingheads in the library - mindless chatter |
] |
ok.
if someone gets me some faux white stargazer lilies,
and some pink lilies of a smaller proportion,
from the Silk Floral Outlet
on Route 1
i willl love them
for the rest of forever.
please.
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2003|05:42pm] |
Day One : April 10th 2003
Mission : Failure.
oh well..
|
|
|
[10 Apr 2003|11:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
April 10th 2003 : Day One.
Mission : Sobriety.
|
|
| look on the bright side is suicide |
[09 Apr 2003|11:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
im done. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
someone said gobleshoo when i sneezed. |
] |
so im sitting in the library, finally able to escape the vast majority of the population of the school, finally able to sit here in front of this machine and willingly rot my brain, finally able to be left alone, which is all ive wanted since i set foot in this toolbox this morning.
so i sit at my computer, and i begin doing my brain rotting thing. and the kid sitting next to me looks at my arm, looks me right in the face, and says: 'damn. you gotta stop shooting up.'
fuckingay.
|
|
| talk about a rude awakening.. |
[08 Apr 2003|12:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
nirvana - lounge act |
] |
do you have any idea how unpleasnat it is to be woken up from a stoned stupor by a big scary man with a flashlight screaming at you that he's the police, to get on the floor with your hands where he can see them, that he's got a search warrant? and you know theres about your weight in mushrooms and marijuana about 10 feet away in the other room. theres empty forties and gram bags all over the table, blunt roaches filling the ashtrays, and a gas-mask-bong on the floor by my feet. i was lying on the floor like he told me to, just lying there, and i was already making a plan for what to do after i got arrested. who could i call? i couldnt call kim, it was already after 10:30 on a monday night. brian is in new york... i have no friends. i started thinking it wouldnt be so bad to walk home from greeen brook police station.
cop: 'how old are you?'
me: 'eighteen'
cop: 'you still in school?'
me: 'yes'
cop: 'IF IT WERE UP TO ME YOU WOULDNT BE! YOUD BE GOING TO JAIL! ALL OF YOU! EVERY LAST ONE!'
one cop walked out of the house with a big black garbage bag full of every drug in the house, two plants, every computer in the house, every camera in the house, all the bongs, everything, singing 'i was gonna go to work, but i got high..' so on and so on.
ive come to the conclusion that cops are the most selfrightous condescending group of ignoramuses on this planet.
they serched me more thoroughly than i saw them search the boys. this insulted me a tad.
they didnt arrest us. just the residents of the house. they said 'you can go now.' just like that.
'i wouldnt come back if i were you. ever.' the cop said to me as i walked out the door.
well, officer. if I were YOU, i wouldnt stuff all 250 pounds of myself into that teeny little Greenbrook Police uniform.
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| the girlth on the couch, guyth. |
[08 Apr 2003|11:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none. |
] |
so, we dont leave this couch. we prefer to sit in the dark and dingy basement by ourselves, just the two of us. huddled in a ball, finishing eachothers incoherent sentences. she tries to draw herself as she sees in the mirror. 'im drawing myself backwards!' she says in horror. i write the word 'orange' on her arm in huge disgustingly ugly letters.
so we sit, smoking cigarette after cigarette. we killed the whole pack within an hour of first venturing to the basement. we talk about jaundice, and snouts, and other not so deforming deformities which effect the others around us. i cant help but notice that everyone's faces look really funny.
so we leave at around 1am. the drive home was nothing less than disorienting. this guy, he looked like a stalk of celery, or a carrot stick or something. he kept hitting on her and all i wanted to do was save her from it. i could feel her radiating a sense of uncomfort. he hands us this nice little nugget of pot. then, once again, it was just us. just us girls. give us drugs, cart us around, give us cigarettes,... we'll just hang out over here..
we get in the car. surprisingly one can see pretty well driving with no headlights at 1am. well enough to the point that one may not notice that their lights arent on until half way to their destination. i like this car. its thzippy. thzip thzip thzippy..
so back to the couch. this time its in the garage. thats ok though. a nice dark cold and gridingey place with a couch. we smoke our pot, we smoke seans cigarettes, we make plans for a childrens tv show based on our newly developed lisps. we make up a new letter. this develops into a whole new language. this spawns a clothing line, and something which will ultimately resemble a cult. too bad we're the only ones in it.
i cant really remember any more at the moment. maybe later..
-remember kidth, winona ryder'th a theif. she liketh 'a go to the thtore and thteal thumb thingth.
|
|
| sad songs |
[03 Apr 2003|10:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
that clicky sound crappy computers make. i hate that sound.. |
] |
ok, so im concocting a list of songs that will ultimately compose a 'sad - song cd' i plan on making. however, im having trouble thinking of enough songs quickly enough. im all about instant gratification, and i want to make my effing cd already. so, ive decided to petition my LJ audience for suggestions. so far, this is what ive got down:
1]pearl jam - black
2]nirvana - you know youre right
3]stone temple pilots - kitchenware and candybars
4]gin blossoms - found out about you
5]radiohead - high and dry
youre contributions will be greatly appreciated =)
(note: im trying to stick to one song per artist. dont want any monopolizing!)
most appreciated,
The Management.
|
|
|
[02 Apr 2003|04:06pm] |
|
you know, sometimes i feel very alone.. just, loveless.
companionless.. though i hate that word.. 'companion'..
i just want you guys to know, the ones who do love me, you know who you are, that you guys mean just about everything to me, and i love you.
i dont think i tell you often enough how much i love and appreciate you guys, the few of you.
so instead of bitching, or being a surly little cynic, for this entry, all im spreading is love.
|
|
| holey. |
[27 Mar 2003|03:37pm] |
|
i love myself better than you..
|
|
| shut up. |
[25 Mar 2003|05:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
drain you - nirvana |
] |
I AM: a surly little fuck.
I THINK: too much.
I KNOW: a hell of alot more than just about every person i come into contact with over the course of a single day.
I WANT: simplicity.
I HAVE: not much..
I WISH: everyone would leave me alone, already.
I HATE: so, so many things, and so, so many people and their qualities.. its no good for me.
I MISS: 1992 - 1996
I FEAR: being alone, being unloved, not being able to have the small things that make me happy. as you can tell all my worst fears seem to have come true.
I HEAR: shit from people about the way i live my life and the way i intend on continuing so.
I SEARCH: for that ever elusive zen - like serenity
I WONDER: if ill ever really reach my seemingly so simplistic goals.
I REGRET: surprisingly, not much.
I LOVE: at times, every little thing on this brown earth. at times.. i hate you all.
I ACHE: im not answering this one.
I CARE: too much.
I ALWAYS: whine.
I AM NOT: what you think...
I DANCE: alone in my room where no one can see me.
I SING: alone when theres no one home.
I CRY: alot. alotalot.
I DO NOT ALWAYS: treat people the way deserve to be treated
I FIGHT: when people really upset me. otherwise, if it isnt that severe, ill just sulk. cause im a surly little fuck.
I WRITE: constantly.
I WIN: i never win anything.
I LOSE: everything. im a slob.
I CONFUSE: everyone. i very often get those looks.. you know those looks.
I LISTEN: to music. all the time. constantly.
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at home or with chris or kim. my other.. halves.
I NEED: a job. a menial, stupid, unimportant job.
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: drugs.
I SHOULD: probably do alot of things, but i wont.
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